well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize