Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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