Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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