oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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