Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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