The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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