Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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