its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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