saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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