you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
