if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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