I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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