i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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