Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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