She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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