im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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