Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize