where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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