She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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