Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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