This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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