ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize