I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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