Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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