I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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