I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize