how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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