something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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