my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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