I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize