your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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