those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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