birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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