Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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