I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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