I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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