OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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