Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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