my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize