How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize