she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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