I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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