The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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