last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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