I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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