Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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