just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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