if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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