I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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