dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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